Auditions
by Wolf of Shade
Summary: Trilogy of short humorous movie auditions....to make a long story short, they didn't get the part.
1. Auditions: Take One!

Real: Ok.I do not own any things in this, so don't kill me!  
  
Trowa: ...Good.  
  
Auditions: Take One!  
Movie: Wizard of Oz Casting: Wendy: Quatre  
  
Both Wicked Witches: Dorothy  
  
Glenda: Duo  
  
Lion: Wufei  
  
Tin Man: Heero  
  
Scare Crow: Trowa  
  
ToTo: Rashid  
  
Fade in, you see a house sitting in the middle of a grove.  
  
Quatre(Wendy): (wearing a blue dress) Where am I?  
  
29 little girls run up to him/her and start chanting, "The wicked witch is dead!"  
  
Quatre: Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.  
  
Rashid(Toto): Maste-..bark, bark, woof.  
  
A glowing light approaches them, when it fades away standing in its place is a young 'man' dressed in a pink dress, holding a wand, and wearing a tiara.  
  
Duo(Glenda): (glaring at an invisible entity behind Quatre.)  
  
Quatre: Who are you?  
  
Duo: (grumbles) I'm the witch of the North.  
  
Quatre: Are you a bad witch?  
  
Duo: No, I'm a good witch.  
  
Quatre: Oh.  
  
Duo: Unlike that one. (points beneath the house. Two dark eyebrows suddenly smoke and shrivel up leaving one ruby red head band.)  
  
Quatre: Wow.  
  
Duo: Yeah, yeah.(picks up head band) Now its yours.  
  
~End Scene~  
  
Fade in to a huge mountain fortress. Thousands of flying monkeys soar around the mountain. Wicked witch cackles and walks around a cauldron.  
  
Dorothy (Wicked Witch): So he/she is heading here.(coughs) Let them come. I'll get you my pretty and your little dog too.  
  
~End Scene~  
  
Fade in to a very happy Quatre walking in the middle of strange characters.  
  
Heero(TinMan): (crossing arms and thinking)  
  
Trowa(ScareCrow): (glares at an invisible entity in front of him)  
  
Rashid: .woof.  
  
Wufei(Lion): ..INJUSTICE! I am no coward!  
  
Quatre: Wufei, come on, play along.  
  
Trowa: I agree with Wufei, I am not a brainless idiot.  
  
Duo: (Stomps onto screen) Yeah, and I'm not a woman!  
  
Dorothy: (From back stage) At least you don't have a huge wart on your face!  
  
Rashid: I'm taking a coffee break. (walks off).  
  
Wufei: Let us correct this lapse in judgment!  
  
Quatre: How?  
  
Duo: By taking it up with HER.  
  
Trowa: (Looks horrified) What if SHE does something?  
  
Wufei: Then we will take care of HER.  
  
Heero: And how do you plan to do that?  
  
Duo: We just will.  
  
Wufei: Yes, but before we do. (Turns to Duo) Take off the horrid excuse for a costume.  
  
Duo: Well.. I can't.  
  
Trowa: Why is that?  
  
Duo: (looks at the ground) she super glued it on.  
  
Quatre: (Eyes go wide) She glued it on?  
  
Duo: (Nods)  
  
Trowa: Even.?  
  
Duo: (nods grimly)  
  
Wufei: What kind of monster are we dealing with?  
  
A huge dirty blond head appears from behind them.  
  
Relena: Who are you calling a monster?!  
  
Wufei: (Quickly points towards Heero)  
  
Relena: So Heero, you've finally come to kill me?  
  
Heero: (looks up at the head) .Mission complete.(pulls out grenade and throws it behind a curtain. A scream is heard then nothing.)  
  
The giant head disappears.  
  
Wufei: Ding dong the witch IS dead.  
  
Duo: Wow Heero...but I'm still stuck!  
  
Heero: (Looks at Duo) Mission accepted.  
  
Duo: (eyes widen, tries to slowly back up).  
  
Heero: (Grabs Duo and pulls him into a room. Screams are heard.)  
  
Trowa: That's it..  
  
Quatre: Well.that's it. (Rubs the ruby headband) I wish I was home, I wish I was home, I wish I was...NO!!!! 


	2. Auditions: Take two!

Real: Thy owns none of thee.  
  
Duo: Thank God for that.  
  
Real: Shutith thine mouth or thy will pull forth the super glue and gluith your mouth shutith.  
  
Duo: (Shuts up real quick)  
  
Auditions: Take Two!  
  
Movie: Star Wars  
  
Casting:  
  
Luke: Quatre  
  
Leah: Duo  
  
Han: Heero  
  
Chewy: Zechs  
  
Darth Vader: Relena  
  
3CP0: Wufei  
  
Obiwan: Trowa  
  
Fade into the desert setting. Luke (Quatre) and Obiwan (Trowa) are talking in Obiwan's 'house'.  
  
Quatre (Luke): You knew my father?  
  
Trowa: (Obiwan): Knew him, I trained him. He was a great Jedi.  
  
Quatre: Wow. Could you teach me to become a Jedi, just like my father?  
  
Trowa: .  
  
Quatre: Come on Ben, please?  
  
Trowa: .  
  
Fade in on the bar/club on the alien planet.  
  
Heero (Han Solo): Tell Jaba I'll pay him pack soon.  
  
Alien nods, but seems annoyed.  
  
Zechs (Chewy): (walks up to the pair, shoots the alien) Roar.  
  
Heero: Zechs, that is not how it is suppose to go.  
  
Zechs: roar.the sooner this is done the sooner we can go home. Rowr.  
  
Enter Trowa and Quatre.  
  
Trowa: (Walks over to Heero and Zechs) We are in need of a ship.  
  
Heero: How much are you willing to pay?  
  
Quatre: Enough.  
  
Heero: Alright, let's go.  
  
Fade into the Death Star interior. Luke (Quatre) and Vader (Relena) are fighting.  
  
Quatre: I won't loose! You killed my father!  
  
Relena (Vader): Fool.I am your fa-..parental unit!  
  
Quatre: NOOOO!!!!  
  
Fade into the Eiwak swamp, Luke walks off leaving Leah (Duo) standing with Han (Heero) next to her/him.  
  
Heero:...I understand you now.  
  
Duo: What? You think.No. Luke is my brother.  
  
Heero: Really?  
  
Duo: Yeah.  
  
Heero: Then..  
  
Duo: Yeah.  
  
The pair step closer to each other.  
  
Duo: OK, I can't do this! It is too..creepy.  
  
Heero: (Glares at Duo)  
  
Duo: Uh.its not you..  
  
Heero: (Crosses arms) It does sound weird.  
  
Duo: Yeah and why am I always the girl!  
  
Relena: (Stomps onto screen) Yes, I'm the most beautiful one here, why am I NOT the princess?!  
  
Wufei: (Waddles out in his full gold costume) At least you are not crippled by layers of metal weights.  
  
Quatre: Well, this one is better than the last.  
  
Duo: I was still a girl, and so were you!  
  
Quatre: .well, I didn't mind it so much.  
  
Duo: You disgust me.  
  
Relena: Too bad, cuz those buns are glued in place, so you're stuck as a girl for a long while.HA! (Walks ioff stage)  
  
Duo: What no!!!!  
  
Heero: (Pulls out grenade and throws it off stage. It explodes, a scream is heard) Come on Duo.  
  
Duo: You wouldn't.why ask..you would.  
  
Heero: (Grabs Duo and pulls him into a room, screaming and whimpering is heard.)  
  
Trowa: (Tiptoes off, pulls out the ruby red head band, whispers) I wish I was home, I wish I was home, I wish I was..uh oh. 


	3. Auditions: Climax: Take Three!

Real: I do not own any thing in this story, besides the super glue.  
  
Duo: So I have you to thank for that!  
  
Real: At least it wasn't duct tape!  
  
Auditions: Take Three!  
  
Movie: Brave Heart  
  
Casting:  
  
W.Wallace: Duo  
  
Irish Dude(Stephen): Heero  
  
Longshank: Trieze  
  
Prince: Zechs  
  
Princess: Relena  
  
Soldiers:  
  
-Scotland: Heero,  
  
-England: Dorothy, Noin  
  
Fade in to the battlefield. Scots lined up ready to fight. William Wallace (Duo) comes in riding a horse speaking to the Scotland army (Including Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei).  
  
Duo (Wallace): Sons of Scotland, I am William Wallace?  
  
Wufei (Scotland Soldier): You're not William Wallace, I heard he was 7ft tall!  
  
Duo: Yes, I've heard! Kills men by the hundreds! And if he were here, he'd consume the English with fireballs from his eyes...and bolts of lightning from his arse! I AM William Wallace! And I see, a whole army of my countrymen, here in defiance of tyranny. You've come to fight as free men, and free men you are. What will you do with that freedom? Will you fight?  
  
Quatre (Soldier): Fight? Against that? No, we will run, and we will live.  
  
Duo: Ay! Fight and you will die, run and you will live.but years from now when you are old you'll regret it! (Jumps down off horse)  
  
All stare, wide eyed at Duo. Duo blinks confusedly.  
  
Duo: What?  
  
Heero (Stephen): (Points down at Duo's kilt)  
  
Duo: (Looks down, goes beet red) Uh..(Pulls down kilt) OK! This is the first time I am not a girl and I still have to wear a skirt!!!!  
  
Trowa (Soldier): She could have glued it on.  
  
Duo: (Glares at Trowa) Don't even say that.  
  
~End Scene~  
  
Fade into the battle scene, Duo is ducked behind a shield with Heero beside him. Heero looks over at him and smiles wickedly.  
  
Heero: The Almighty says he can get me out of this fight, but your screwed.  
  
Duo: That's reassuring.  
  
Heero: (Smile widens, pulls out a genade)  
  
Duo: Heero wait! Don't-  
  
Heero: (Throws the grenade toward the 'enemy'.)  
  
Explosion is heard and one lone voice.  
  
Dorothy (English Soldier): Heero Yuy!  
  
Heero: (Smile fades, creeps away.)  
  
~End Scene~  
  
Fade into the town square. Duo is lying down on the wooden platform.  
  
Duo: (Grumbles) I can't believe I die.  
  
Wufei: (Dressed as executioner) Shut up baka!  
  
Relena (Princess): I can't believe I have to say this.  
  
Trieze (Dying King Longshank): Just get it over with Miss Relena.  
  
Relena: Fine.(clears throat) I want you to know something before you die old man. Your sons' blood line will end with him. I..I might as well say it. I'm pregnant with his child (points towards Duo who is still drinking coffee back stage)  
  
Duo: (Almost chokes on his coffee) What?!  
  
Quatre: Duo, I never even knew.  
  
Trowa: How impressive..  
  
Wufei: How dishonorable.he should have married the witch first.  
  
Relena: I heard that!  
  
Wufei: (Silently walks behind Heero.)  
  
Heero: (Thinks: At least she's off my back.)  
  
Duo: I didn't touch her!  
  
Trieze: So Relena when are you due?  
  
Relena: Huh? I ne-  
  
Zechs: (Grabs Duo by the throat) You perv. How could you do this to my sister?! You're going to marry her now.  
  
Duo: (Chokes) But I..  
  
Relena: Milliardo, I'm not.  
  
Quatre: Hey, let's audition for Peter Pan next!  
  
Wufei: No, I don't wear spandex unlike some people.  
  
Trowa: Maybe Lord of the Rings?  
  
Duo: (Crawls over to them, many bruises can be seen) .I wanna be the male, straight elf.  
  
Heero: As long as Relena plays Golem.  
  
Relena: (Whimpers) Heero how can you say that?  
  
Wufei: we can have Quatre play Eirwen.  
  
Trowa: I could be Strider..  
  
Heero: (Stalks away from the others, pulls out the ruby red head band)  
  
Quatre: Heero don't!  
  
Trowa, Wufei, Duo: NO!!!!  
  
Heero: (Holds headband, pulls out his gun and shoots the head band several times. It shatters) Mission Complete.  
  
Duo: Just great now wha-..Oh.  
  
All: Yay! FINALLY!  
  
The End.  
  
Real: Tis the end of Auditions, I have more new ideas for stories. I will work on them soon enough. C ya!  
  
Duo: No more SUPER GLUE!!!! 


End file.
